Dear Clergy,

Welcome. Here you will find many resources to aid you and your members in finding the right counselor and getting great information through speaking and reading material.

This Clergy Resource Area is comprised of an Intro and three sections:

Introduction

The Clergy Resource Area is a new area on my website that is based on one of my workshops entitled, “Ecclesiastical Counseling and Professional Therapy Is a Spiritual Collaboration for Change.” Since I began counseling in 1994, I have been working closely with LDS and other clergy. As you well know, clergy are the first responders on almost every issue that affects their members lives. I have always felt it was important to develop a partnership with my clients’ spiritual counselors so that the different ways we each help the individual, couple or family are working in concert with one another.

Over the years I have provided training for the LDS Family Services ongoing Provident Living Training for Bishops and Relief Society Presidents, local Interfaith Councils, several years at the Colorado Bridges Conference (for clergy and mental health professionals). I have also been involved in many area community outreach programs working with clergy from various faiths to strengthen marriage and family in the community including being on the Lehi Marriage and Family Week planning committees as well as being a repeat presenter there. Over this time I have developed multiple articles, answers, tips, and trainings to assist in this collaboration. I have now compiled all of those resources together for you to access as you need.

You are helping reduce the rate of divorce in your church, ward and stake. There is simply no substitute for knowledge and skills. Your support and the counseling we are doing empowers couples with practical skills to realize the correct principles they have been taught and believe. Saving marriages to me is just the beginning. The real work comes after we save the marriage and they begin learning how to create a truly great marriage that both can be proud of. Quite simply, I teach my clients the practical skills and mindsets for how to realistically divorce- and affair-proof their marriages.

Allow me to share one example illustrating this from one Bishop-referred couple’s experience. The following two letters from one couple are representative of the outcomes my clients frequently experience. They asked that I share this in the hope that it would encourage others to “mend it, don’t end it.” This is from a husband and wife who were teetering on the brink of divorce due to many serious issues. She wanted to divorce him, no longer trusted him, was understandably very angry and hurt, and not only couldn’t see any way that their marriage could be saved after all of this, she did not want to save the marriage. As she stated when we first began our work together, “I LOATHE him!”

One year after we completed our work together they both wrote the following updates:

He wrote,

“I was just going through some old stuff, and came across one of the focus sheets we had written up during one of our sessions. I wanted to drop you a note, and say THANKS! for all you did for my wife and me. I look back, and realize that without working with you, we would have ended up divorced, and fighting all the time.

"While we still have problems, they are reduced by at least 80% from before we met with you. I greatly appreciate the time you spent with us, and guidance that was given. Thanks again. My wife has the husband she deserves and the kids have their dad in their home because of you and the work we did together.” 
—Used with permission.

The wife also wrote saying,

"I just wanted to tell you THANK YOU for all that you did for my husband and me. We are doing really well. I can't say that I fully trust him yet, but I am getting there, and it is steadily improving. We are doing better now than we have in a very long time.

"You taught us a lot about how to understand each other. And a lot of thanks goes to you for helping us see that we could get through these tough trials and still stay married. It is amazing how different our feelings are toward each other now than two years ago. I can't even imagine what my life would be like if I would have gone through with the divorce. And the impact it would have had on my children's lives. I just can't thank you enough."

Six year follow-up update:

The wife told me,

“Jonathan, I don’t know what I’d do without him. I miss him when he’s gone on business trips and I look forward to when he comes home. He’s my best friend. He is so good to me and for me. You’re right, we worked hard with you and the outcomes we now live with every day were worth every grueling session! We earned our great relationship. And we couldn’t, and wouldn’t, have done it without you.”

That’s a long way from divorce and from “I LOATHE him.”

Further, for clients who are working on more personal self-mastery issues, such as mental health or addiction recovery, research demonstrates that the investment of time, money and resources in treatment now is always cheaper than the long-term costs of untreated mental health and addiction issues.

Let me now take a moment to share with you some resources you may or may not be aware of that are at your disposal through my new Clergy Resource Area.

1. Free Reading Room

Clergy-related answers and articles about effective therapy

• A clergy-specific FAQ (including Information on how to contact my Stake President and Bishop for verifying/checking my background and their experience working with me).
• My general FAQ.
• My Full Vita: You have every right to know who you are working with.
• Articles on how to choose an effective therapist:
  • “My Commitment to You and Your Members: Get Results or I'll Fire Myself”
  • “Kick the Tires: Shopping Around for the Right Professional Makes All the Difference”
  • "Measure Progress, Expect Outcomes." Effective therapy IS results-oriented and not open-ended
  • “The Good News: We’re No Longer Guessing! Gottman's Marital Therapy Model Explained” Ever been curious how effective marriage counseling is accomplished? I have prepared a reader friendly summary of one of the foundational approaches (Gottman, J.M.) that you are welcome to print out and share with your members as they work to improve their relationships.
  • This letter I mailed you in PDF form: Clergy Letter-LDS-Clergy Resource Area (in case you misplaced it)

100s of articles, handouts and worksheets you can give your members on the following topics (See the full list here):

• Marriage and Relationships
• Marriage Prep
• Family Life
• Parenting
• Divorce and Co-parenting
• Self-Mastery, Mood, Stress and Anger Management
• See the full list here

2. Pro-Bono Speaking

These workshops are often given as firesides, Enrichment nights, 5th Sunday combined Relief Society and Priesthood lessons, Stake conferences, etc. They can also attend the ones I hold at their own expense, but any of the workshops I present for churches are done completely free.

The Relationship Mastery Series (Learn about the series and each seminar here)

• "Attract the Best” Singles Seminar
• Communication: The Deep Listening Solution
• Building Strong Families with “A-triple C-T-S”
• Speaking Manglish and Womanese: Understanding Men and Women’s Differences as Benefit vs Deficit
• Parenting Tips from the Trenches: Love and Logic Plus
• Mastering Strong Emotions: Using Stress, Anxiety, Depression and Anger to Your Advantage
• Step-Family Success: Secrets to a Less Contentious, More Harmonious Step-Family
• The 10-Step “Our Way” Marriage Prep Plan: Prepare for Your Marriage, Not Just Your Wedding

Other topics (see these and all other topics here)

• Pornography: Problems and Solutions
• Ending Abuse and Violence: Physical, Sexual, Emotional
• Relationship Fitness Check-Up
• See MarriageEnvy.com/seminars for a full listing of all available topics. I also frequently do custom presentations based on what you see as the needs for your ward.

Fill out the form below if you'd like me to contact you about speaking to your ward or stake. You can also call me at 801.787.8014 or email me at Jonathan@MarriageEnvy.com

Dear Brother Sherman,

I wanted to write you a note and personally thank you for the time you took away from your family to come speak to our Jacobs Ranch 2nd Ward. The effects of what you shared have had a lasting impact on the people that were there. For me personally, my wife and I have adopted your 'Snap 1,2,3' rule and it has made so much of a change. All our kids from ages 11,7,5,1 have all taken to this approach. We have yet to get past "snap 2!" And I can’t begin to tell you what the couple I referred to you think of your help with their relationship and that with their teenage son as well. They find you and your teaching methods very refreshing.Thanks again so much for lending us your time and talents. God Bless.

With Love,

Bishop Chris Culley

3. Free Consultation

For you: Bishops and other clergy call me frequently to discuss cases and get suggestions for various mental health, behavioral, addiction and relational issues. Sometimes treatment is indicated and many times just a quick consult with a professional is sufficient. There is never a charge for consulting with clergy. Feel free to bounce ideas off of me anytime you like. I’ve been collecting resources in my files for years and networking with wonderfully talented colleagues all along the way. If I don’t have the answer I’ll be happy to help you get connected with those who do. If you would every like to talk, I would be happy to meet with you over the phone or in-person. Feel free to call or let me know if there is a convenient time for me to stop by your office and introduce myself and answer any of your questions about my professional background, how effective counseling works, or for referrals to other qualified professionals.

For your members: Your members' first one half hour consult with me is free. This way, your member and I have a chance to determine:

1. If I can help them or if I can help them get connected with a more appropriate referral;
2. If they would feel comfortable working with me in counseling.

I believe strongly that your members deserve the opportunity to explore their situation with a trained professional before deciding to access counseling. Of course, the consultation is confidential as well as are all counseling services.