THE QUOTE

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.
—Leo Tolstoy

THE LOVE NOTE

K—

In the first half of our marriage, I spent more time wondering what the heck was wrong with YOU. By the beginning of the second half, I began to realize the need to look at what was RIGHT with you and what was wrong with ME. From there I think I grew into a better and more patient person BECAUSE of our differences, not in spite of them. Learning to deal with our incompatibilities has actually taught me how to love you better and truer.

—J

THE GREAT RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE

Dealing with Incompatibility Is More Important than Being Compatible. Oh my gosh! I am SO tired of hearing "We're just not compatible." In 16 years of counseling, I have seen some rare cases where people truly aren't compatible. However, the vast majority of the couples I work with transform their crap marriage into beautiful, compassionate, and profound. It is as Tolstoy said: It's not about compatibility as much as how you deal with that incompatibility. To me this is such a saving grace—Because instead of having to find that "one right match" or finding the ever-elusive "soul-mate" we can create a mature and loving relationship based in compassion, intelligence, growth, and development. Whew. Thank goodness!