"Proud" Parenting Moment: Learn from the Master

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I was outside today working on the car when my wife drove up returning from running errands. She got out and disbelievingly asked me, "Did you really say that?!" "Say what?" She then showed me my 16-year-old daughter's tweet:

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My daughty then Tweeted, "I shouldn't be laughing cause everyone is ticked but that was really funny."

I'm normally a bit more composed so I think my wife was somewhat impressed.

Rewind. So here's what happened: I had just got on the younger kids a few times about their chores. "Just get it done and quit complaining!" There. I thought I had it all taken care of and I could take a relaxing shower as they completed said tasks. Silly me. Just a few moments after getting in I hear one of them yelling and bossing the other around. And I'm thinking and fuming, "Sheesh! Really?! C'mon! You've got to be kidding!" Yet there I am stuck in the shower with no re-course... I can't do anything about it now and I don't want to get out to deal with it—I just got in, for Pete's sake! There was nothing in that moment as a parent that I could do. Or so I thought.

And thus the tweet.

As a parent trainer I preach the importance of not making empty threats you're not willing to enforce. However, that was one threat I knew I wouldn't have to carry out. I think the shock and horror of the imagined potential of what could happen was more than enough to get them hustling.

Fast forward. My tweeting daughter later came out while I was working on the car. I asked her to come over and talk to me. She smiled, put her head down sheepishly and backed away. I laughed and said, "Yeah, mom showed me your tweet. What I want to know was as a parent did I go up in your estimation or down?" "Hmmm... I don't know... It was just really funny... and disturbing." I told her I figured she'd probably need a few sessions of therapy to deal with the trauma of that image emblazoned upon her mind.

So that folks is the expert parent trainer at his finest. I hope you were taking notes.

—SHARE YOUR AMUSING "PROUD" PARENTING MOMENTS BELOW—

First to Fly the Coop One Last Fling Thing

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First to Fly the Coop One Last Fling Thing

How fun it would be if we could all go to Disneyland one last time all together as a family. It's just not in the budget, though. However, I'm a "how can we do it?" vs. "we can't do it" guy. I think in solutions not problems. I mean memories come from actions not wishes, right?

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Attend to Them Before They Attend to You

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Attend to Them Before They Attend to You

Listening to, and fixing, relationship noise. Too often, people come to me at the point of relationship crisis—someone's threatened divorce, there's been an affair, they have lots of conflict or they've "fallen out of love." Just the other day, a husband said to me, "How could she have all of a sudden stopped loving me?"

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"How do you do therapy?" Give a damn.

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"How do you do therapy?" Give a damn.

Someone asked me once, "How do you do therapy?" How do I do therapy? Wow. I mean it's a fair question. But how do you distill decades of study, experience, mentoring and training into a brief answer that would actually convey anything? It's hard to quantify something that is both so quantifiable and qualitative at the same time. That has so much of science and research as well as art and intuition.

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Guest Blogger Mark Tolman: "Becoming Dad"

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Guest Blogger Mark Tolman: "Becoming Dad"

Jonathan here: Allow me to introduce my friend, Mark Tolman (see his bio below), who I met my freshman year of college. We camped out one night  with some friends on the sidewalk in downtown Salt Lake City. Why? That's another story. But back then we were just regular guys. Neither of us were the polished professionals we are now who (seemingly) have all the answers for our clients. For now, I'd like you to hear Mark's thoughts on Father's Day, not as a professional, but as a regular guy, who like me, and like you, have had to somehow figure out this whole dad thing...

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DEEP Listening and Creating an "OUR WAY" Plan. NEW VID! in the Parenting Interview Series: 5 of 8

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NEW VID in the Parenting Interview Series 5 of 8 A series of eight video parenting Q&A's with Ben Anderson, Interim President of UHEA, and myself that we did in preparation for the 2013 Utah Home Education Association (UHEA) Conference this June 14-15  where I'll be presenting the following three workshops:

  •  Mastering Stress & Other Strong Emotions
  •  Study SMARTER, Not Harder: Strategies for Effective Learning
  •  Communication: The DEEP Listening Solution

You don't have to be a home-schooler to benefit from these workshops—and you can't beat the price—only $35/individual, $45/couple for a two-day conference! Register here.

1. Appreciating a Strong-Willed Child

2. How Do I Know If I'm Being a Good Parent?

3. How Do You Create and Sustain a Healthy Family Culture?

4. How Do I Overcome Self-Doubt as a Parent?

5. DEEP Listening and Creating an "OUR WAY" Plan

COMING SOON!

6. Adapting Your Teaching to Your Children's Needs

7. Creating Habits of Family Unity

8. Creating a Family Culture of Appreciation

Vids 5-8 will be posted every few days prior to the conference. Stay tuned.

40 Mama Songs for Mother's Day!

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Mother and Child, by Mary Cassatt For years each Mother's Day I gave my baby CD's called Momma Songs to celebrate her giving me my four treasures. Some are silly, some are profound. Some funky, others touching. There are 40 songs here (and some Yo Mama jokes at the end). Scroll through or just listen to the whole playlist. Enjoy!

See all my Motherhood-related posts here.

---NOTE: The following Grooveshark playlist works best on the full desktop website and does not show on all mobile devices.---

PLEASE SHARE YOUR FAV SONGS ABOUT MAMA AND/OR MOTHERHOOD BELOW...

Guest Blogger: Kara Sherman on "Not Hating Mothers Day"

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Guest Blogger: Kara Sherman on "Not Hating Mothers Day"

Every year Mother's Day comes around and I can already hear the groans from the women: "I hate Mother's Day, I'm not a good mother, Everyone else is better than me, I suck, etc." But really? How awesome is it that each family member gets to celebrate what they like best about you? ...

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GREATness Everywhere: Lessons from the Masters

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GREATness Everywhere: Lessons from the Masters

While I focus on GREATness in Relationships™, the lessons of greatness are the same no matter the field you are in: Relationships, business, sports, science, art, music, literature. Here are some of my favorite examples and inspirations. I like to share these with my family during family night and talk about greatness in big goals achieved and in small everyday kindnesses.

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Family Fun: Paper Mache (Papier Mâché) Masks

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Family Fun: Paper Mache (Papier Mâché) Masks

Sunday afternoon the question was asked, "Are we doing anything?" Rather than letting the moment pass and all the kids scurry off to their own isolating activities I said, "I'm going to make a paper mache helmet. Who wants to join me?" Most scurried off, but I started my preparations anyway knowing that I would likely entice a kiddo or two once they saw what was going on. It worked! I snagged Molly and she made a cute mouse and I made an elephant. We had no idea what we were going to make until we started. Most importantly we had a great time together.

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Funny Tombstones & Maintaining Perspective

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Funny Tombstones & Maintaining Perspective

An elderly client told me years ago: "When I was a boy my mother said to me, 'Son, everything in this life matters... just not very much." Your life matters. It's a one-shot around this amazing spinning globe. Life is precious and rare in our end of the galaxy. Make the most of it. Enjoy it. Do good. Make the world and someone's life a little better for your passing. Just don't let your ego fool you into thinking you're so darn important.

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Funny Tombstones & Maintaining Perspective

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An elderly client told me years ago: "When I was a boy my mother said to me, 'Son, everything in this life matters... just not very much." Your life matters. It's a one shot around this amazing spinning globe. Life is precious and rare in our end of the galaxy. Make the most of it. Enjoy it. Do good. Make the world and someone's life a little better for your passing. Just don't let your ego fool you into thinking you're so darn important.  Shelley wrote the following famous poem reminding us of just this very thing:

Ozymandias

I met a traveller from an antique land Who said: `Two vast and trunkless legs of stone Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown, And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command, Tell that its sculptor well those passions read Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things, The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed. And on the pedestal these words appear -- "My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!" Nothing beside remains. Round the decay Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare The lone and level sands stretch far away.' —Percy Bysshe Shelley

A more modern version might be "all we are is dust in the wind..." by Kansas

Anyway, as we ponder the transience of life, there are a few folks who've left their final mark on their headstones as follows:

[gdl_gallery title="funny-tombstones" width="IMAGE_SRC" height="IMAGE_HEIGHT" ]

Guest Blogger: Katrina Wride VanWagenen on "Managing Stress by Mindfully Owning Your AWESOMENESS"

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Guest Blogger: Katrina Wride VanWagenen on "Managing Stress by Mindfully Owning Your AWESOMENESS"

Sharing your experiences of trials, pain, acceptance, and endurance that shows me who you are. Keep on going, brighten your day and someone else's. Make a go to list of things that make you awesome, and things that bring a smile to your face when life seems a tad overwhelming, or hugely overwhelming.

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AWESOMENESS, "Failure" and The Woes and Wins of Entrepreneurship

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AWESOMENESS, "Failure" and The Woes and Wins of Entrepreneurship

"I AM AWESOME!" is not a statement of arrogance or self-delusion—it's recognizing that who you ARE is based in a state of BEING not based on DOING. Accomplishing things and being successful in this or that aspect is important and meaningful, of course, but it's NOT the place to start. OWN that you ARE awesome REGARDLESS of what you DO. Why?

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The MarriageEnvy.com 20/20/20 GIVEAWAY!!!

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PLEASE SHARE THIS POST and/or LINK http://MarriageEnvy.com/giveaway! Thank you! :-)

Kara and I have been celebrating 20 years this year (read all about it here: http://marriageenvy.com/20years) and there's only a couple months of this anniversary year left for us. To end this 20th Anniversary Year-Long Celebration and to start off the New Year between now and the end of our 20th Anniversary year (which ends February 13, 2013) we will be giving away 20 of each of the following prizes worth over $6,000!

20 FREE MarriageEnvy.com FULL 90-MINUTE ASSESSMENT SESSIONS

  • A $225 ($150/h0ur) value each.
  • Conducted by Jonathan Sherman, LMFT locally at one of his offices or via Skype if you live elsewhere.
  • Total value for this giveaway: $4,500

20 FREE MarriageEnvy.com GREAT RELATIONSHIP BOOK PACKAGES

  • Three of my fav books in the MarriageEnvy.com trifecta. These are the three books I recommend most often:
  1. Marriage Mastery: "The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work," by John M. Gottman
  2. Parent Training: "Parenting with Love and Logic," by Jim Fay and Foster Cline
  3. Self-Mastery: "The Bonds that Make Us Free: Healing Our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves," by C. Terry Warner
  • Total value for this giveaway: $1,500

20 FREE MarriageEnvy.com WORKSHOP COUPLES TICKETS 

  • Good for any workshop in The Relationship Mastery Series (http://marriageenvy.com/RMS)
  • Each Couple Tickets comes with two tickets for you and your partner or you and a friend.
  • You can attend locally or via webinar anywhere in the world.
  • A $30 value for each couples ticket
  • Total value for this giveaway: $600

TO ENTER JUST FILL OUT THE FORM AT http://MarriageEnvy.com/giveaway This giveaway ends February 13, 2013 and winners will be selected randomly from all submissions on February 14, 2013. Winners will be notified by phone and email.

Good luck! Hope you win! :-)

PLEASE SHARE THIS POST and/or LINK! Thank you! :-)

Jonathan's Top 20 Posts of 2012

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Talking to Your Kids About the School Shootings

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Talking to Your Kids About the School Shootings

After the horrific school shootings in Connecticut I was asked the important question what do you tell your children and grandchildren about such tragedies; How do you talk them through it? There's a lot of things you can say. What they need to hear is the truth: Both sides of it. This is what I told my four children:

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Emotion Regulation: Graphic & Lesson

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Emotion Regulation: Graphic & Lesson

Emotion regulation doesn't need to be a "high level" concept. It's as simple and basic as understanding how to operate any other mechanical device—which, kids by the way, excel at. So teach them how to operate their own bio-machinery they live in each and every day. Of course, it helps the teaching if we as the adults actually model it for them... The good news is the above graphic/concept is so simple kids can totally get it. 

 

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